McRevolution Part OneSaturday, June 2nd, 2007
This was originally posted December 9th, 2006. Part Two, completely new, will be posted tomorrow.
What the hell?
Fast food in general is a totally awful concept to begin with, but I was astonished to recall by watching these following commercials from the 1970s at how easily persuaded we and the pseudo-public sector are by capitalistic empires such as McDonald’s.
Please watch the following clips before continuing with this blog:
(Sadly this link is dead)
Yes, ladies and gentleman that WAS a young Jodie Foster in the second commercial with the line “No Coke.”
Now, by watching a few commercials like that in the waning days of the year 2006 my reactions are as follows:
Number One: Roll over and laugh my guts out
Number Two: Pee myself, because I’m still laughing that hard.
Number Three: Become highly skeptical about what I had just viewed, because the laughing fit is starting to subside.
Number Four: Cynically blog about it.
Back in my formative years, following a barrage of colorful and happy commercials such as those I would have probably wanted to go to McDonaldLand so I could enjoy a Triple Thick Milkshake or a hamburger that is harvested off of some strange bush.
Now folks, bear with me here, this is where the cynicism begins.
Upon watching these commercials I recalled that my publicly funded elementary school had invited Ronald McDonald and a few of his friends to our gymnasium to stage a peculiar public service announcement about the importance of a balanced diet and the necessity of the four basic food groups. At the time I was in either kindergarten or first grade, can you imagine what this would be like for a five or six year old kid? I had no idea at the time that I was being blindsided by the horrible one-two punch of hypocrisy. I had no fucking clue what was coming out of Ronald’s mouth, nor did I care. I was just an ignorant kid that now had a hankering for some goddamned french fries and you can probably guess that my mom was going to take me to McDonald’s that day to satisfy my itch, because I had a fucking living, breathing commercial come to a safe place, my publicly funded elementary school, and confuse the hell out of me about proper nutrition.
Another thought that crossed my mind was that my dentist, not publicly funded, but still an authority figure who children should have a trusting relationship with, had always handed out coupons for free McDonald’s cheeseburgers after I had my teeth cleaned when I was younger. What the fuck? What kind of scam is this? That fucking dentist knew that I would beg my mom for a triple thick milkshake or that Coca-Cola fix that all the kids, including a young Jodie Foster had wanted! Fuck him! Next thing you know, in a few months I arrive at Cavity City!
What a scam!
Folks, that is where the cynicsm ended and here on out, I introduce to you the awful fifth reaction that I seemed to have left out before:
No wonder we have an obesity epidemic in this country! We, as a nation, were tricked into believing proper eating habits included a fucking four piece Chicken McNugget, small french fry, orange drink, and the newest transforming food toy that was made by malnurioushed child laborers in a foriegn country!
Fuck you Independent Minnesota School District Number Sixteen circa 1984-1985.
Fuck you dentist, whose name escapes me, but I still hate you anyway!
Lastly, fuck you McDonalds! You make it look all so great, but we just keep getting fatter and sicker and you reap the profits.
I am not lovin’ it McDonald’s.
Not at all.